Group Healing

“Lately my walk with Jesus has been disappointing and at times excruciating. I’ve cried myself to sleep more nights than I can count in the past few years. I’ve woken with anxiety that is not easily shaken. My prayers, while sincere, feel flat, hollow, unheard. I look on with fear and insecurity that others are living the life more abundant that Jesus promised while I’m being left behind. I’m also afraid that my friends are going to lose patience with me if I don’t ‘get it together soon’ so I hide and pretend things are better than they are inside my soul. But pretending doesn’t last and the nagging sense of discontentment returns.

But what if this nagging is a blessing? What if it is something the Holy Spirit is using to get my attention; an invitation to ask harder questions of myself and fully experience my disappointment to the point of allowing it to transform me more into the image of Christ?

I have this theory that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Partly because I sit with people daily as a counselor and listen as they describe the anxiety and sadness that fills their quiet moments (or all their moments). And these are Christians…people who have devoted themselves to God and are trying to follow him the best they can. So what’s the problem?

Larry Crabb says most of us cope with life by pretending it’s is better than it actually is. We’re told that following Christ leads to life more abundant, so most of us lie and pretend we don’t actually have an ache in our souls that screams, ‘Where is this life more abundant he speaks of?’ And under that is the sense of shame that others are experiencing more of Him than we are. There must be something deeply wrong with us… so we keep on pretending, not wanting to be discovered as an imposter. And no one likes a Debbie Downer… so just keep pretending. The Bible says to rejoice in all things… so just keep on pretending. Do all things without grumbling or complaining… so keep on pretending. All this introspective talk is just self centered psycho babble…just keep on pretending. You get the point.

But what if we stop pretending and get really honest with some other brothers and sisters who want to stop pretending. What if the pain we feel is the catalyst that God wants to use to push us into deeper relationship with Him; a relationship that is harder, deeper, and more painful than we admit, but also more authentic and beautiful than we ever imagined. What if the life more abundant starts with pain and sorrow that threatens to envelop us, trying to suffocate the life right out of us? What if our Savior who is described as a man of sorrows and well acquainted with grief is standing in the gap waiting to show us things that we have never seen or experienced? After all, he knows that there can only be a resurrection after a death.

So I want to start a pilot group. A group for those who deeply love Jesus but sometimes feel stuck in their ability to commune with him in a deep and meaningful way. For those who, if they are honest, don’t feel seen or understood and who have been raised to believe that a victorious Christian life should always be moving up and to the right. A place where we can be honest with each other about our doubts and struggles and find comfort and understanding, not simplistic ‘Christianese’ answers that usually do little more than increase our sense of loneliness and shame… more than just a Bible study, book club, AA group, or prayer meeting. All of those things to be sure, but hopefully a place to allow the Holy Spirit to move in and through us as we attempt to be the embodiment of Christ’s presence to each other.”

I wrote these words almost two years ago as I struggled to find my way through much grief and sorrow. I had recently buried my second parent and moved to Stillwater to get back into full time ministry after a two year “sabbatical”. I was lost and lonely and in much need of community that seemed hard to find, even in the church. I was excepting our new ministry community to be like family but that didn’t develop as I thought. However, I found a friend and she convinced me to start a group for those who felt the same way, even though in different circumstances. It had been a while since I had lead a group as a therapist and this time I needed to be a participant as well. But I jumped in and we have been going strong for a year now. It has been so transformational! There is something about a safe group that allows one to feel secure, seen and soothed.

If you are interested in a group like this please contact me and let me know. I hope to launch more groups in the next few months.